As a person with a congenital hand difference, I have always felt inspired by these lyrics – even though I assume that the band Genesis wrote them for ten-fingered, not six-fingered folks like me! As a person with more dreams and goals than energy and time to fulfill all of them, I often struggle with frustration at not being able to accomplish more in this world. So I love turning these lyrics upside down by applying them to those of us with hand differences, and I appreciate the reminder that I try to do a lot to “make it a place worth living in” with my given six fingers!

From: Writings: Hiding Hand/Arm Differences and Other Issues of Self Acceptance

It is a challenge and a privilege for parents to detect, nurture, and respond to the unique qualities, tastes, and needs of each child. Uniqueness — as the dignities of infinite value and equality — grows in its confirmation. That is, when loved ones respond affirmatively and confirm an individual’s unique behavior or view, then that person’s sense of being unique expands and deepens.

The Triumph of Life (forthcoming), by Rabbi Yitz Greenberg

From: About This Site: My Mission

The attitudes of others toward a child’s capacities are far more important than his possession of particular traits. The fact of any handicap is not nearly so vital as the reactions toward it of those around him.

Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Step-by-Step Guide for Raising Responsible, Productive, Happy Children, by Dorothy Corkille Briggs, 1975

From: Life Stages: Early Years

Children with hand differences whose hands function well usually adjust well.

Children with Hand Differences: A Guide for Families Center for Limb Differences, 1990

From: Life Stages: Early Years

In difficult times carry something beautiful in your heart.

Blaise Pascal

From: Life Stages: I’m Having a Baby with What?

Children rarely question our expectations; instead, they question their personal adequacy.

Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Step-by-Step Guide for Raising Responsible, Productive, Happy Children, by Dorothy Corkille Briggs, 1975

From: Writings: The Overachiever Trap

To validate is to offer acceptance and feedback about the other person’s reality in a nonjudgmental way. To validate is to acknowledge and accept a person’s individual identity. When you validate a child, you allow her to share her feelings and thoughts without your judgment. You also reassure her, without questioning or disapproving, that her feelings are near the right nor wrong but are, in fact, her feelings. You show that you still accept her after she has shared her feelings, and you let her know that you respect her perception of the situation at that moment. You allow her to feel heard, acknowledged, understood, and accepted – not ridiculed or abandoned – based on the feelings she has expressed. Through validation, children learn that they are accepted and loved, no matter what feelings or thoughts they have. All the money in the world can’t buy for your child what validation can.

The Power of Validation by Karyn Hall and Melissa Cook, 2012

From:

Alba held out her hand and he squeezed it with his left one.
Then she noticed that he was missing several fingers on his right hand,
but he explained that he could play guitar anyway,
because there is always a way to do what you want to do.

The House of the Spirits, Isabel Allende, 1982

From: Writings: Graduate School Personal Statement

When I was an angel in heaven, I had two hands, and another little girl had no hands. So I gave her one of mine.

Four year old child explaining her hand difference to another child

From: Writings: Hiding Hand/Arm Differences and Other Issues of Self Acceptance

Focus more on who your child is than what your child does. Remember, you’re growing a person, not fixing a problem. 

L.R. Knost, Editor-in-Chief of Holistic Parenting magazine, @lrknost

©2023. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy

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