Preparing yourself for when your child feels SAD about their limb difference

Background
Planning ahead so you can respond in a positive way
It’s totally normal to feel conflicted
Anticipating the moment that your child feels sad
In the actual moment that your child feels sad
What else might you need?
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Background

On social media, parents often share about the hard moments when their children feel sadness about their limb difference for the first time. Before offering suggestions for supporting children during these difficult moments, I wanted to examine this situation from the parents’ perspective. All children experience sadness about aspects of their life. Is sadness about having a limb difference different from other kinds of sadness? What is it like for parents to hear that their child feels sad about their limb difference? What kinds of support do parents need so that they can meet their children where they are? In delving into sensitive subjects like this, I hope that these posts, even though they can be tough to read, enable parents to gain perspective on important aspects of raising a child with a limb difference that aren’t always addressed.

Planning ahead so you can respond in a positive way

At some point your child will feel sad about their limb difference. It can be hard to prepare yourself for this moment, but planning ahead can help you to respond in a positive way. You may feel a full range of emotions: anger, anxiety, calm, fear, grief, guilt, regret, sadness, or overwhelm.

It’s totally normal to feel conflicted

On the one hand (nub?), it may feel like a big deal to hear that your child feels sad about their difference. It also can be painful. On the other hand (nub?), you may feel like you’re making a fuss over nothing. Many parents go through this, so what’s the big deal?

Anticipating the moment that your child feels sad

Everyone is different, so however it is for YOU is OK. There’s no one “right” way to handle this. Can you allow yourself to feel however you feel? It might vary from seeming like a big deal to not a big deal. Can you give yourself empathy? Ask yourself what your closest friend would say to you. How would they offer you unconditional love and support? Speak to yourself the way your closest friend would, or better yet, can you call that friend now?

In the actual moment that your child feels sad

It may be hard to separate your feelings from your child’s. Being aware of this may help you avoid projecting your feelings onto your child, notice if you’re being hard on yourself, and listen to your child tell you what they’re feeling.

What else might you need?

Perhaps permission to do something later for YOURSELF? Here are some possible needs, even if you have to schedule self care time: