When your child realizes they have a limb difference

This post is for families raising children with upper or lower limb differences. I was inspired by parents sharing the first time their child noticed or talked about their limb difference. I’m combining memories from my own childhood, what I’ve learned raising two children, and what I know as a pediatric occupational therapist. My goal is to help you feel more prepared — and to support your child as they grow.

What parents often ask me
By the time your child is a toddler
Before they are able to talk
How you can help
What to avoid 
What will they say when they can talk? 
Be ready to hear about their pain
Important takeaways
Quick Links
Download the free handout
Read more

Blue gradient with white text that says "reflections from an OT with a limb difference" and a bubble with blue and black text that says "? | when your child realizes they have a limb difference." Small pink circles with an icon of a person with a partial arm and partial leg and "ontheotherhandtherapy"

Download a free printable copy of the What to do when your child realizes they have a limb difference!

What parents often ask me

Parents often ask two things:

  • What do I wish my parents had known when I was a child?
  • How has my thinking changed over the years?

They also want to know how to support their children with differences. I’m here to help answer those questions.

By the time your child is a toddler

Most toddlers with limb differences already know something is different about them. They’ve noticed how people respond to them, and they’ve heard how you talk about their difference. Many families use a nickname like “lucky fin,” “nubby,” or “small hand.” Others may have asked your child, “What happened to their hand/arm/foot/leg?”

Before they are able to talk

Your child is listening. They understand more than just words. They pick up on tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. They may feel both good and hard emotions about their difference, even if they can’t say it yet. They might show frustration or sadness through behavior or body language.

How you can help

You can help your child feel seen, safe, and loved. Try these ideas:

  • Use simple language to name feelings. When your child is crying, say something like:
    “Oh sweetie, I see you’re crying. Would you like a hug?”
  • Talk about their limb difference in a positive way—especially in front of others.
  • Stand up for your child. Don’t let others decide what your child can or can’t do, whether your child is present or not.

Reading picture books that include characters with limb differences can also help. These stories remind your child they’re not alone—and that they can do what matters to them. You can find book suggestions here.

You may also want to connect with support groups or attend family events. These spaces let children meet others like them and build confidence. Check out Resources for ideas.

What to avoid 

Your child should not have to prove themselves to anyone. Statements like:
“Bet they didn’t think you could do that!”
can make your child feel like they have to earn approval from others. Children thrive when they feel proud of what they do—not just when they impress someone else.

What will they say when they can talk? 

Parents are often surprised by the things young children say. Some children proudly explain:
“I do that with nub!”

Others may repeat something they’ve heard:
“Nubby looks funny.”

They may express love, sadness, confusion—or all of these.
“Me love lucky fin!”
“I sad—no foot, just nubby.”

Be ready to hear about their pain

It can be painful to hear your child express sadness or frustration. But these feelings are normal. Your child is learning to understand their body and identity.

You can prepare by practicing responses with a partner, friend, or therapist. That way, when your child says something hard, you feel less caught off guard.

Some real examples from parents:

  • “Why I have to be born like this?”
  • “Will my hands/feet be big when I’m 5?”

Important takeaways

  • By toddlerhood, most children already notice they are different
  • Even before talking, they understand a lot through tone, body language, and experience
  • Talk positively about their difference and name emotions when you see them
  • Stand up for your child’s abilities—don’t let others decide what they can or can’t do
  • Picture books and community events help children feel seen and connected
  • Avoid language that makes your child feel like they need to “prove” themselves
  • Be ready for your child to say both sweet and hard things
  • Practice ahead of time so you can respond with love and confidence

Download a free printable copy of the What to do when your child realizes they have a limb difference!


Read the other posts in this series:

© 2025. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy

Posted in ,