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How to Talk to Your Child about Limb Difference Overuse Syndrome
5 Habits to Reduce Overuse Risk
Understanding Upper Limb Difference Overuse Syndrome
The Overachiever Trap
Typing/Keyboarding with an Upper Limb Difference (or two!)

Overuse syndrome is one of the most common, and least talked about, long-term issues affecting people with upper limb differences.

People with one-sided limb differences often rely more heavily on one side, develop creative compensations, and work harder to accomplish everyday tasks. As a result, muscles and joints can experience cumulative strain over time. For many children and adults, this can lead to fatigue, pain, reduced function, and difficulty participating fully in work, school, and daily life.

The good news: early awareness, simple daily habits, and supportive environments can make a meaningful difference.

This hub brings together practical, evidence-informed resources to help families, adults, and professionals understand overuse syndrome and take steps to prevent or manage it, without fear, restriction, or toxic positivity.

What you’ll find here

For parents & caregivers

• Daily habits that support balance, strength, and rest
• How to talk with children about body care without making them feel singled out
• Simple ways to protect growing bodies
• Printable handouts to share with teachers, coaches, and care teams

For teens & adults with upper limb differences

• Guidance for talking with employers or supervisors about strain and accommodations
• Strategies for pacing, recovery, and advocacy
• Tools and adaptations to support strength and function
• Understanding early signs of overuse

For professionals

• Clear frameworks for discussing overuse risk with families
• Language that supports prevention without alarm
• Resources grounded in occupational therapy, biomechanics, and lived experience

Posts

How to Talk to Your Child about Limb Difference Overuse Syndrome

Age-appropriate, family-centered guidance for introducing body awareness and self-care — similar to how we teach children to brush their teeth. Free handout.

5 Habits to Reduce Overuse Risk

Simple, realistic habits families can practice together to support strong, sustainable bodies. Free handout.

Understanding Upper Limb Difference Overuse Syndrome

A plain-language overview of what overuse syndrome is, why it affects people with upper limb differences at higher rates, and how it develops over time. Free handout.

The Overachiever Trap

An exploration of how unintentional messaging can encourage overdoing and overachieving by children with limb differences

A note on prevention

Overuse prevention is about building muscular strength and balance early, doing activities with less strain, and incorporating stretching and breaks — not about limiting opportunities

Small, consistent habits, practiced over time, add up to make a difference.

If you’re looking for guidance that honors both function and lived experience, you’re in the right place.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Start Here: Overuse Syndrome in Upper Limb Differences appeared first on On The Other Hand.

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Prevention begins with small steps
1. Use and move both sides of the upper body
2. Smart bodies rest and stretch
3. Teach and model strong posture habits
4. Tools make tasks easier
5. Build core and upper body strength together
A note about consistency
Free resource
Learn more

Prevention begins with small steps

If you’re raising a child with an upper limb difference, you’ve likely already noticed how creative, determined, and capable they are. Children are remarkable problem-solvers. They figure out how to do what they want to do, often in ways adults would never think of.

That adaptability is a strength. But it can also mean that their bodies work harder in subtle, cumulative ways.

Children with upper limb differences often rely more heavily on one side of their body or use compensatory movement patterns that place extra strain on muscles, joints, and connective tissue. Over time, this can contribute to fatigue, discomfort, or overuse injuries. The good news is that overuse risk isn’t about doing less, it’s about building habits that support balance, recovery, and long-term strength.

These five daily habits are simple, realistic actions you can start using right away. They’re designed to fit into everyday life and work best when practiced as a family so that your child doesn’t feel singled out. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s consistency, awareness, and helping your child’s body stay strong and sustainable as they grow.

1. Use and move both sides of the upper body

Encourage your child to involve their limb-different side in daily tasks whenever possible. This might include brushing teeth, carrying lightweight items, stabilizing objects, or helping turn faucets on and off.

If your child is engaged in one-sided activities such as screen time, crafting, or sports, build in regular pauses. After about 30 minutes, take a short break to stretch, change positions, or switch activities. These small resets can help reduce fatigue and support balanced muscle use.

2. Smart bodies rest and stretch

Rest and recovery protect growing muscles and joints.

Instead of waiting for pain or soreness, normalize short breaks as part of daily routines. Replace “push through” messages with language that values listening to the body, such as “do, rest, and stretch.”

Create a predictable rhythm: activity, pause, stretch, then return to play. Even if your child says they don’t feel sore, their body still benefits from rest and recovery.

3. Teach and model strong posture habits

Posture matters, especially during sitting, screen use, and homework.
Encourage upright positioning and minimize prolonged slouching, rounded backs, or “tech neck.” Use book stands, screen risers, or pillows to bring work to eye level rather than bending the body down to the task.

Family stretch breaks or short yoga moments can reinforce the idea that posture and movement care are normal parts of daily life.

4. Tools make tasks easier

Introduce adaptive tools early and use them as a family so no one feels singled out.
Show children how tools can make everyday tasks easier and more efficient. Start with small, practical changes at home, such as replacing round door knobs or faucets with lever handles. These changes benefit everyone and reduce strain on hands and wrists.

Universal cuffs and similar tools can help a shorter arm or smaller hand grasp objects more easily, supporting participation without extra effort.

5. Build core and upper body strength together

A strong core helps protect the arms and shoulders, and it’s never too early or too late to start.

• For children under 8-10 years, focus on playful strength-building: climbing, swimming, tummy play, animal walks, and rough-and-tumble movement.
• For children over 8-10 years, add simple strengthening such as planks (wall or floor) and using resistance bands. When appropriate add adapted weightlifting under guidance.

Strong bodies are more resilient, and strength-building works best when it feels empowering rather than corrective.

A note about consistency

Overuse prevention isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about building awareness and routines that support your child’s body over time. Think of these habits the way you think about brushing teeth: small daily actions that protect long-term health.

If you’d like a quick reference to keep on your refrigerator or share with teachers, coaches, or therapists, download the free printable handout below.

Free resource: 👇Download the free “5 Daily Habits to Reduce Overuse Risk” handout

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For more education on overuse prevention, adaptive tools, and supporting strong, balanced bodies, follow on Instagram and subscribe to our newsletter. To access more overuse syndrome information, visit the overuse syndrome hub.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post 5 Habits to Reduce Overuse Risk for Children with Upper Limb Differences appeared first on On The Other Hand.

A helpful way to think about this: brushing teeth
Why body care works best as a routine
Starting the conversation at different ages
Make it a whole-family practice
Language matters
Supporting lifelong habits
Free resource
Learn more

Before we talk about how to reduce overuse syndrome risk, it helps to talk about how to talk about it with your child.

Children with upper limb differences don’t need complicated explanations or heavy conversations about future pain. What they benefit from most is age-appropriate language that frames body care as a normal part of everyday life — something the whole family does together.

A helpful way to think about this: brushing teeth

Many parents find it useful to think about overuse prevention the same way we think about dental care.

We do not wait for cavities to teach children to brush their teeth, and we do not scare them with worst-case outcomes. We explain, matter-of-factly, that teeth need regular care to stay healthy. When children are young, we brush with them or for them. Over time, they take on more responsibility as they are ready.

Overuse prevention works the same way.

Instead of teaching children to be afraid of their bodies, we help them build simple habits that protect their bodies over time.

Why body care works best as a routine

Parents often ask whether they should check in with their child by asking if they are in pain or if they want to take a break. While this may feel respectful, it is often not the most effective approach for young children.

There are several reasons for this:

• young children may not have the body awareness to notice early fatigue or strain
• they may not want to interrupt an activity they are enjoying 
• they may say that they are not in pain to avoid worrying the adults around them

Because of this, body care works best when it is built into the routine rather than treated as a decision children must make in the moment. This is why adults play an important role in guiding and modeling these habits early on.

As children grow into adolescence, this guidance naturally shifts toward collaboration and independence.

Starting the conversation at different ages

Body care conversations do not need to be formal or scripted. Small, repeated messages are often the most effective.

For younger children, language can be simple and playful:

• “Let’s help both arms/sides get strong.”

For school-age children:

• “Your body did a lot today. A short break helps it stay strong.”
• “Let’s stretch because your muscles worked hard”
• “Stretching helps your muscles recover.”

For tweens and teens:

• “Let’s do planks together to strengthen our shoulders!”
• “Breaks help you keep doing what you love.”

Make it a whole-family practice

When body care habits are something the entire family participates in, children with limb differences are less likely to feel singled out.

Stretching together, taking movement breaks, and talking out loud about rest and recovery helps normalize body care for everyone. It sends the message that caring for our bodies is something all people do, not something only one child needs.

Language matters

The words adults use shape how children think about their bodies.

While you are having conversations with your child about overuse syndrome, it’s best to choose neutral, descriptive language such as “limb different side,” “shorter arm,” or “helping arm” to support confidence and reduce comparison. Avoiding terms like “bad,” “weak,” or “normal” can help children develop a sense of acceptance, rather than judgment, about their body.

Supporting lifelong habits

These conversations are not about limiting activity or watching for problems. They are about planting seeds.

Children who grow up with routine body care habits are better prepared to notice fatigue, respect their bodies, and advocate for themselves later in life. This matters because many adults with limb differences report experiencing overuse pain, often without having had the language or framework to understand what was happening.

Early awareness and supportive routines can make a meaningful difference over time.

Free resource

To support these conversations at home, you can download a one-page handout that summarizes:

• why routine matters
• age-appropriate language examples
• how to make body care a whole-family practice

👇 Download the free handout: “How to Talk to Your Child About Body Care & Overuse”

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Download the free handout!

Learn More

If you would like to continue learning about overuse prevention, strength, and sustainable movement for children with upper limb differences, follow on Instagram and subscribe to our newsletter. To access more overuse syndrome information, visit the overuse syndrome hub.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy

The post How to Talk to Your Child about Limb Difference Overuse Syndrome appeared first on On The Other Hand.

Complete the form below to download a free printable copy of the Upper Limb Difference (ULD) Overuse Syndrome: Prevent, Reduce, Treat infographic

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Want a personalized consultation to discuss how to help your child avoid overuse syndrome? Schedule a consult with me (limited to Ohio)!

The amazing human body
What is overuse syndrome?
Causes of overuse syndrome
Why are people with upper limb differences at higher risk?
When does overuse syndrome usually start?
How does overuse syndrome develop?
What parents and practitioners can do
Final thoughts
Free resource
Quick links
Learn more

The amazing human body

The human body — with typical or atypical limbs — is incredible. Although bodies are designed to be symmetrical, they can and do adapt in marvelous and ingenious ways. Every day, children and adults with upper limb differences (ULD) are living their lives to the fullest: playing sports, cooking, creating, and so much more. 

At the same time, when a child has one hand or arm that functions differently, the unaffected side often does more. This may not cause problems at first, but over time, the extra strain adds up. This can lead to a painful condition called overuse syndrome, which can last for months or even years. From the time children with one-sided limb differences are young, we need to pay close attention to how much they use the unaffected side of the body.

What is overuse syndrome? 

Overuse syndrome is when pain or fatigue sets in because of repeating the same motions over and over. It’s also called:

• Repetitive strain injury (RSI)
• Repetitive motion disorder (RMD)
• Cumulative trauma disorder (CTD)
• Occupational overuse syndrome (OOS)

It often starts in the hands or arms and can spread to the shoulder, back, and neck if not addressed.

Causes of overuse syndrome 

• Repeating the same movements often
• Using high force or awkward postures
• Not enough rest
• Weak or tired muscles
• Poor posture or body mechanics
• Stress or untreated mental health challenges

Why are people with upper limb differences at higher risk?

People with one-sided upper limb differences often rely heavily on one side of their body. Over time, that side can become overworked, especially if the limb-different side isn’t used as much.

A recent research study of adults with congenital one-sided ULD by Jenkins, 2025 found:

• 82% reported overuse symptoms
• 60% said the pain began by age 25
• 41% said the pain began by age 20

Compare that to the general population, where upper limb pain affects only about 16–24% of people under age 45. That’s a big difference!

When does overuse syndrome usually start?

We used to think that overuse syndrome started in middle age. But we now know that the condition often begins in childhood or young adulthood, but it can be missed or ignored for years. That’s because physically active children and teens with upper limb differences may not realize that the aches they feel are not “typical” or they may be so used to compensating for their difference that they push through discomfort.

How does overuse syndrome develop?

Overuse syndrome develops in stages over time. Catching overuse syndrome early in either arm or hand can prevent symptoms from worsening. Because it‘s easy to ignore pain, learning to recognize the stages for oneself or a loved one (child, spouse, friend) and noticing patterns of ignoring or pushing through pain can help reduce the risk of overuse syndrome.

The four stages of overuse syndrome

• Stage 1: pain occurs after activity:
  • Pain or tiredness after activity, goes away with rest
  • Example: pain and/or fatigue after cooking, playing sports, or typing one-handed
    
• Stage 2: pain occurs during activity — but doesn’t affect performance
  • Pain starts during activity, may last into the next day; rest and over the counter anti-inflammatory medication bring relief
  • Example: pain and/or fatigue during cooking, playing sports, or typing one-handed
    
• Stage 3: serious aching, fatigue, pain — and limits performance
  • Pain limits participation; rest and over the counter anti-inflammatory medication offer limited relief
  • Example: pain and/or fatigue limit ability to cook, play sports, or type one-handed
    
• Stage 4: chronic pain even at rest
  • Constant pain, aching, fatigue, and pain, even at rest. Muscles may weaken. Sleep and daily life are affected.
  • Example: constant pain and/or fatigue in either hand/arm, back, neck, shoulder

What parents and practitioners can do

You’re already doing so much to support your child. Here are a few more ways to prevent overuse syndrome:

• Encourage use of both sides during daily tasks
• Use tools and assistive devices that make using the limb-different side easier
• Support strength, posture, and endurance through safe movement
• Watch for signs of fatigue or pain and respond early
• Adapt technology and activities — not your child — to reduce strain
• Work with a pediatric occupational therapist who understands limb differences
• Teach your child about listening to their body and taking breaks

Final thoughts

Children with upper limb differences are capable, smart, and strong. Let’s support them by protecting their bodies, not just now, but for the long term.

By making small changes early and being aware of the signs of overuse, we can help them grow healthy, confident, and balanced bodies.

Free resource: 👇download the free printable copy of the Upper Limb Difference (ULD) Overuse Syndrome: prevent, reduce, treat infographic

Name *

First

Last

Email Name

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By providing your email address, you agree to receive occasional email correspondence from On The Other Hand. Don’t worry: we will never share your email with any other entity and we will never spam you!

Get the infographic!

Quick links

• Want a personalized consultation to discuss how to help your child avoid overuse syndrome? Schedule a consult in Ohio with me!
• Technology is a big contributor to overuse syndrome. Learn how to adapt technology to your child’s upper limb difference – and download the free handout!
• Learn about the Overachiever Trap
• Learn about Occupational Therapy for children with upper limb differences
• To learn more about overuse syndrome, follow our series on Instagram

Learn more

For more education on overuse prevention, adaptive tools, and supporting strong, balanced bodies, follow on Instagram and subscribe to our newsletter. To access more overuse syndrome information, visit the overuse syndrome hub.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Understanding Upper Limb Difference (ULD) Overuse Syndrome appeared first on On The Other Hand.

Introduction

This is my story, and it certainly does not apply to all children (or adults!) with limb differences. In fact, your child likely has a very different personality. But in talking with many adults with limb differences, I have met a shocking number who match this personality profile. Coincidence? Unclear. I would be delighted to hear from anyone out there for whom this resonates.

Taking Advantage of Opportunities

Most parents want their children to have every opportunity to develop their capacities to the fullest extent possible. Parents especially want to give their children opportunities that were not available to them when they were children themselves: playing a musical instrument, going to sleep-away camp, traveling to Europe. Usually, parents want to share these experiences with their children because they build character, help to make them “well-rounded,” forge bonds that last a lifetime – or all of these.

Parents of children with limb differences are no different in wanting opportunities for their kids. But they often worry that their children’s differences will prevent them from taking advantage of the same experiences as other children. These parents often try extra-hard to make sure that their children take full advantage of opportunities to improve their innate capacities so that they are as bright and fulfilled as possible.

Fulfilling one’s potential is wonderful. Extra pressure upon a child to achieve because of parents’ fears is not.

Overriding Limitations

All children have limitations. Some children prefer sports to music or math to writing. When “normal” children reveal a skill or deficit in a certain area, their experience is validated. A boy’s parents may tell a friend, “Oh, Johnny decided not to join the swim team because swimming isn’t his forte; he much prefers playing chess with his sister and his friends.” A parent of a child with an difference, however, may fear that the difference has shaped his preference. So instead of letting the child gravitate towards something he prefers and away from something he dislikes, the parents may unwittingly encourage him to “stick with it” – to prove to himself that he can.

Proving Self-Worth

Children with physical limitations subconsciously are aware of their physical limitation long before they ever “know” about it consciously. Children with disabilities often put pressure upon themselves to prove their self worth, to themselves, to their peers, and to their teachers. Without anyone instructing them to do so – in fact, without anyone particularly noticing – these children may internalize a self-diminishing message about themselves from a very young age: “I have this body part that is different and people automatically think that I am unable to do things (e.g. ride a bicycle, tie my sneakers, dress myself) as well as they can. I’ll show them. I can do those things just as well.”

In the process of trying to prove that she is “equal” to other children, the child may actually strive to be “better” than them. She thinks to herself, “Sarah can make jewelry. She says I can’t do that. I’ll show her. I’ll do it better than she can. Then she’ll be impressed.” Ironically, where the child is only trying to be “normal,” she instead becomes an overachiever. To measure a child’s worth by her achievements encourages her to measure herself in those terms. The child hopes to prove that she is “normal” by overcoming her physical limitations. In fact, from an early age, children who are wired this way develop incredible determination, strength, and willpower that enabled them to master tasks independently that even “normal” children find challenging. Each achievement may provide some temporary gratification, but only as a stepping stone to the next, bigger achievement. The moment the child ceases to achieve, the child may again doubt her competence.

The child’s parents, who may find themselves frequently defending their child’s capacities in the face of their peers’ questions, may also feel the need to prove their child’s worth to others. “My Betty, you know what she did? She was the first one in her kindergarten class to zip her jacket – all by herself!!” Unfortunately, while Betty’s parents are ecstatic that their daughter is able to dress herself independently with two fingers on her hand, they may unwittingly reinforce feelings of inadequacy in their child. Long after the child has proved herself to her parents, she may continue to prove her competence to herself.

Trying to Earn Love

Children rarely question our expectations; instead, they question their personal adequacy.

Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Step-by-Step Guide for Raising Responsible, Productive, Happy Children, by Dorothy Corkille Briggs, 1975

Children are very sensitive, intelligent beings who pick up a great deal of information about and from their surroundings. Children with physical differences often are especially attuned to reading subtle cues, such as whether anyone is looking at them or talking about them. In addition, they bear an unfortunate burden of knowing that they are not the perfect children that their parents dreamed of and prayed for (even if their parents tell them frequently that they are perfect just the way they are, it can be difficult for a child to hold onto to that once they go out into the world). Not that their parents don’t love them. Just that if their parents could have had a “normal” child, it stands to reason that many parents would have chosen that if given the chance – if only to save their child from unnecessary difficulties. So many of these children develop a barometer that measures how loved they feel.

For example, a child – let’s call her Alice – develops a pattern of behavior in which she tries to “be good” to ensure her parents’ love. She knows that she can’t change the circumstances of her birth or her difference, both of which have affected her parents profoundly. Instead, she decides to be the best child that she can be. She tries to please her parents however possible, by being helpful, cheery, or at least not causing them more difficulties, as her hand/arm condition has already created so much trouble. When her parents congratulate her on her good behavior, her helpfulness, or her constant positive attitude, they reinforce those behaviors. When Alice arrives at school, she instinctually transfers this behavior toward her preschool and kindergarten teachers. Again, the internal message that Alice carries is: “If I didn’t have this hand/arm thing, it would be so much less trouble for everyone. So I’ll try to hide it and not draw a lot of attention to it, and at the same time I’ll be really good and friendly so that people will like me.”

“Just Like Everyone Else”

Once at school, a conflict arises. The child – this time let’s call him Billy – wants desperately to be accepted, so he hides his hand/arm difference to avoid questions and stares. To be “just like everyone else,” Billy needs to participate in all of the activities in which his peers engage. But when he participates, some activities may be difficult for him, like art projects that require the functional use of two hands. Wanting to appear normal, Billy tries extra hard to accomplish tasks independently, because asking for help draws unwanted attention to his hand and reinforces that he has limitations. Often he is successful, adopting a creative problem-solving approach.

When he is not successful, Billy tells himself not to cry or admit to failure, but to just try harder next time. He handles these struggles silently, as he has no peers who share the same frustrations and challenges. Over time and without any instruction, Billy, like many children with physical limitations, learns how to use his asymmetrical body in amazing ways to accomplish the most challenging of tasks.

Dependence on External Validation

Billy earns a lot of praise and recognition for pushing himself beyond his natural limitations – from his parents, other relatives and family, and his community. But the irony is that this only draws more attention to the difference. When a “normal” child excels at football, his community lauds him for his prowess as a wide receiver. When a boy with no hands does the same, the newspaper blasts the headline “Handless Boy – Football Wonder!” Contrary to dispelling the child’s feelings of inadequacy, this process instead exacerbates them. The child cannot think of himself in terms of his success alone, but instead in terms of his success despite his limitations.

Moreover, the child begins to depend upon external validation to give him a sense of self. When he achieves and succeeds, he receives great praise, which feels good. So he seeks more, investing a good deal of energy in impressing the people in his environment. But what is happening to the child inside? Does he feel special and talented when he’s not in the limelight?

Stages

The process typically follows these stages:

• The child wants to be “normal” by not having others notice her difference. This in part means drawing attention away from herself, so she can blend in with other children.
• The child also wants to be “normal” by overcoming any limitations imposed by her difference.
• To prove that she is not limited, the child feels pressured to overachieve.
• Once she has overachieved, she gains recognition for her successes. The recognition is generally in the form of, “Look at what Megan has achieved, despite missing four fingers on her left hand!”

Athletics and Music

I have noticed that the Overachiever Trap often manifests itself in the form of competitive athletics and music performance; a strange phenomenon, since these are two of the most physically challenging activities for anyone, with or without a hand/arm difference. Both of these extracurricular activities require hours of physically-demanding practice to achieve success. Parents, teachers, and coaches swell with pride when the child with one “normal” hand excels as a trumpet player or baseball pitcher. Mastering these skills provides definitive proof that the child suffers no ill effects from the difference – right? But have these children chosen sports and music as outlets for their creativity, or are they, indeed, trying to “prove” that they can do what their peers can do?

Cultural Expectations

The Overachiever Trap is not solely the result of parents’ high expectations and childens’ feelings of inadequacy. Our culture places a large premium on overcoming obstacles, whether socioeconomic, racial, or physical. As a young child, a boy with a hand/arm difference can expect to be deluged with stories of the one-handed Tennis Wonder. If this boy is not naturally gifted in tennis, he is then more likely to feel demoralized by his limitations. If the boy does succeed, the newspapers will compare him to other one-handed sensations who have preceded him. When he applies for college, he will be rewarded by writing an essay on how he has overcome adversity. Are these comparisons helpful to the child, or do they remind him, yet again, that there is something that he needs to prove to others?

“You Need to Work Extra Hard”

Parents may encourage their daughter to surmount any obstacle because they anticipate that she will be disadvantaged by her difference. They may try to teach her that through perseverance and hard work, all things are possible.

On the one hand, most people would agree that perseverance and hard work are desirable traits in young people, and that parents who successfully instill these traits are praiseworthy.

On the other hand, there can be unintended consequences if the child internalizes these messages: “You need to work extra hard – more than everyone else – because the odds are stacked against you. Of course it’s not your fault; nonetheless, if you want to succeed in life, you will need to make things happen.” All children need to learn to draw boundaries. They eventually need to learn to ask themselves – not others – “How hard should I work for this? If I still can’t do it – is it okay to stop?”

The other downside to the “all things are possible if you work hard enough” message is that sometimes the costs of pushing oneself beyond reason are too great. We all know friends who were able to push themselves to pull an all-nighter to study for a college final exam and others who would try, but just couldn’t make it through the night. Did the latter folks not try hard enough? Did they care less? Or had they learned to respect the limits of their bodies?

The Parents’ Role

How can parents avoid their children falling into the overachiever trap? Shouldn’t parents encourage their children to express their natural talents? Isn’t it good for children who face differences to develop determination and willpower?

On the one hand, it is a parent’s responsibility to expose children to a wide variety of experiences and be their source of support in attempting even those activities that may appear to be challenging or difficult. Trying and succeeding at new and more challenging tasks builds children’s competence and self-esteem. This may be even more important for children who are naturally shy and hesitant than for children who are extroverted and outgoing.

On the other hand, development of the child’s sense of self-esteem and self confidence is ultimately more important than proving self-worth. Parents can help in this process by gently probing their children’s choices non-judgmentally. Here are some examples:

• Let’s talk about why you want to take tennis lessons
• Are you curious about learning to play tennis?
• Does it look like a fun game?
• Are your friends taking tennis lessons?
• Do they talk about playing tennis when you get together with them?
• Do you ever feel excluded?
• Would taking tennis lessons with your friends allow you to feel part of the group?
• Let’s think about how that will work for your body …

Almost every religious path emphasizes that children are lovable human beings simply because they have a soul and bear any number of aspects of the divine. Helping your child to learn to define herself apart from external measures of her worth is important for all children and especially important for children with limb differences.

Recap: What Can Parents’ Do?

• Starts with awareness about this issue
• Take your child’s personality into account – do they need push or to hold back from diving into everything?
• Start conversations with your child from a young age, probing choices non-judgmentally so you understand their motivation for various pursuits (see question examples above)
• Look at the limb differences books with a critical eye – are they reinforcing the “You need to work extra hard – more than everyone else” message?
• Role model asking for help
• Narrate aloud your thought processes about your choices to engage vs. refrain; e.g. “Daddy was invited to join the school PTO but he decided not to do that right now because he wants to spend time with us and take care of his body by going to the gym”

Quick Links

• Learn how to prevent, reduce, & treat Overuse Syndrome – and download the free infographic handout!
• Learn how to set you or your child or client up for Typing & Technology success – and download the free handout!

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post The Overachiever Trap appeared first on On The Other Hand.