Seeing the whole child with a limb difference: celebrating strengths & supporting struggles

If people only see my difficulties and my struggles, they miss out on my energy, passion, resilience, and strength.

If people only see my energy, passion, resilience, and strength, they miss out on what is really challenging for me and where I might need help.

I want to be seen in my wholeness, which includes both my struggles and my strengths.

If you miss either of those, you miss seeing my authentic self.

Kristin Masters, Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer

Our Creative & Resilient Children
Prioritizing Strengths Over Struggles
Finding Balance
Foster Intrinsic Motivation over External Validation
Example 1: The “Prove Them Wrong” Trap
Example 2: The Silent Struggler
Actionable tips for parents & allies
Quick Summary
Want to Learn More?

Our Creative & Resilient Children

Children with limb differences are extraordinary, not because of what they have “overcome,” but because of who they are — creative, resilient, resourceful, and whole. As parents, allies, or professionals supporting these amazing kids, we naturally want the world to see them for their incredible strengths and capabilities.

Many parents share stories about their children’s accomplishments to celebrate their children’s unique talents and to challenge ableist assumptions about what people with physical differences and disabilities are capable of. These stories can help both the limb different and limb typical communities, by showing the world that children with limb differences can thrive in every area of life.

But there’s more to the story. It’s important to consider how this focus on strengths might impact our children. How can we balance celebrating their triumphs with supporting them during struggles? How do we help them grow into their full, authentic selves — embracing both their strengths and their challenges?

This post explores how we can honor and celebrate children with limb differences while ensuring they feel seen, heard, and supported in every aspect of their lives. Whether you’re a parent, a friend, or a professional, this conversation is for you.

Prioritizing Strengths Over Struggles

The many strengths of children with limb differences deserve recognition. But focusing solely on celebrating achievements may unintentionally send the message to children that they should downplay or hide challenges or difficult emotions. Fearing that their parents or supporters value only their successes, children may hold back from sharing their struggles. So it’s vitally important that they know it’s okay to talk about their struggles, too, and to know that they’re not alone in these struggles.

Finding Balance

This doesn’t mean we stop celebrating their accomplishments. In fact, showing excitement and pride when a child masters a new skill or tackles a tough task can be incredibly motivating and validating for them. But children also need space to express what’s hard for them. When they feel safe sharing their challenges, they learn that it’s okay to ask for help and that their worth isn’t tied to their achievements.

As parents, allies, and professionals, we can find a balance with children with limb differences:

Celebrate their triumphs while also normalizing discussions about struggles
Show them that all of their feelings — whether about successes or frustrations — are valid and welcome
Teach them that they don’t need to prove their worth to anyone; their value lies in who they are, not what they can do

Foster Intrinsic Motivation over External Validation

As parents, coaches, and allies, we have choice in how we frame our children’s challenges and successes. Instead of encouraging our children to “show them all what you can do,” we can choose to focus on our children’s adaptability, creativity, and problem solving skills. This subtle shift can help foster intrinsic motivation, allowing children to feel pride in their growth for themselves, rather than seek validation from others.

Example 1: The “Prove Them Wrong” Trap

A child with a limb difference climbs the monkey bars for the first time. A proud parent snaps a photo and captions it, “Bet you didn’t think they could do that!” While well-meaning, this framing places the focus on proving others wrong, potentially teaching the child that their value lies in defying others’ expectations. Over time, they might start choosing activities not because they enjoy them, but to gain external approval or validation. Read about the “Overachiever Trap.”

Ultimately, the goal is to help children see themselves as whole — strong and capable, but also human, with struggles and vulnerabilities. It’s this balance that will empower them to grow into their authentic selves.

Example 2: The Silent Struggler

Now consider a different scenario: Imagine a child who has just figured out how to tie their shoelaces using one hand. The family celebrates this big milestone with cheers, high-fives, and maybe even a social media post. While this recognition may feel great in the moment, the child might hesitate to share their feelings about how hard and frustrating the process was for them. Perhaps they felt discouraged after multiple failed attempts or worried they would never succeed. If no one asks about how they felt about the challenges they faced, the child might internalize the belief that their struggles don’t matter. Or even worse, they may conclude that sharing them shows weakness.

Actionable tips for parents & allies

Here are some practical ways to support our children:

Ask Open-Ended Questions: After celebrating an accomplishment, ask, “What was the hardest part about learning this?” or “How did you keep going when it got tough?” This invites them to share their challenges and reflect on their resilience.
Validate Their Feelings: If a child says something like, “I hated how long it took to figure this out,” respond with, “That sounds really frustrating. I’m so proud of you for sticking with it.”
Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Outcome: For example, instead of saying, “You’re amazing for climbing the monkey bars!” try, “I could see how hard you were working to get to the top. How did it feel to make it across?”

Bobbi has a left above elbow limb difference

Quick Summary

Welcome all of their feelings — whether about successes or frustrations
- If your child says, “It took too long to figure this out!” respond with, “That sounds really frustrating. I’m so proud of you for sticking with it.”

Teach them that they don’t need to prove their worth to anyone
- Their value lies in who they are, not what they can do
- Avoid the “show them all what you can do” or “bet they didn’t think you could do that!” mindset

Ask open-ended questions
- After celebrating an accomplishment, ask, “What was the hardest part about learning this?” or “How did you keep going when it got tough?”
- These questions invite them to share their challenges and reflect on their resilience

Celebrate their creavity & problem solving, not just the outcome
- For example, instead of saying, “You’re amazing for climbing the monkey bars!” try, “I could see how hard you were working to get to the top. How did it feel to make it across?”

Want to Learn More?

Read about the “Overachiever Trap.”
Read about Overuse Syndrome.

Posted in Limb Difference, Topics