Introduction

This is where I post my writings about the parts of limb difference that are harder to quantify.

Not the clinical pieces, checklists, or “how-to” strategies, but the emotional undercurrents, emotional adaptations, and things children carry without always having language for their experiences.

Some of these posts are personal. Some are written from imagined perspectives. Some are grounded in professional insight. All of them explore what it means to grow up, parent, or live with a limb difference in a world that often assumes, “They’ll figure it out.”

If you’re new here, this page will help you find a place to start.

Holding the whole experience

Raising a child with an upper limb difference includes moments of deep joy, connection, and pride — as well as moments of frustration, sadness, and uncertainty.

Both can exist at the same time.

This section reflects the fuller picture of the experience, beyond what is often visible or shared publicly. It offers space to acknowledge the challenges while also recognizing the meaningful, often unexpected moments that shape the journey.

👉 Moments of Sweetness While Raising a Child with a Limb Difference
A gentle invitation to notice, remember, and hold onto the meaningful moments that bring connection, joy, and perspective over time.

👉 Seeing the Whole Child with a Limb Difference: Celebrating Strengths & Supporting Struggles
A reflection on moving beyond celebration alone to also acknowledge the real challenges children may face—and how both are essential to truly seeing the whole child.

Independence and support

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re helping too much, or not enough, begin here. This series explores what independence can mask, why children don’t always ask for help, and how thoughtful anticipation supports long-term well-being.

👉 Part 1: The Hidden Costs of “They’ll Figure It Out”
👉 Part 2: Why Children With Limb Differences Often Don’t Ask for Help
👉 Part 3: Support, Independence, and the Space Between

Big feelings about limb difference

There is a multi-part series on children’s sadness and other big feelings, including reflections on:

• Why sadness shows up
• How parents often respond
• What children need in those moments
• How to prepare yourself emotionally when your child feels sad

(Some of these pieces live in Life Stages and Early Years because they are developmentally focused, but they connect deeply to the themes here.)

If you’re just starting with these issues, I recommend beginning with the post about preparing yourself. It reframes the moment before it arrives.

👉 Preparing yourself for when your child feels SAD about their limb difference
👉 What to say & do when your child feels sad about their limb difference

Bullying and social experiences

These reflections look beyond surface-level advice and explore the emotional and relational layers of bullying, especially when visible difference is involved.

If your child is experiencing peer challenges, or you are still carrying memories of your own, this may resonate.

👉 Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems
👉 Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents
👉 Bullying Part 3: Is It Bullying, Curiosity, or Something Else?

Identity and self-acceptance

I traced the emotional work of growing into comfort with difference, not as a single turning point, but as an ongoing process in:

👉 Embracing Vulnerability: Journeying Toward Self-Acceptance
👉 Seeing the Whole Child with a Limb Difference: Celebrating Strengths & Supporting Struggles

Letters and personal reflections

Sometimes it’s easier to understand something when it’s written as if it were spoken directly.

You’ll find several letters here, including:

👉 Mother’s Day Letter to my Mother
👉 Letter from a Parent to their Child with a Limb Difference
👉 Letter to my Parents, Teachers, and Coaches from my Younger Self
👉 Letter to my Younger Self

These pieces explore perspective, gratitude, grief, and love in a more intimate format.

My professional path

Here you’ll find my Graduate School Personal Statement.

It offers context for why I approach limb difference the way I do, where clinical training and lived experience intersect.

Community and event reflections

Connecting with others in the limb difference community can be a powerful and meaningful part of the journey — for both children and families.

These reflections share experiences from community events, gatherings, and conferences. While each event is unique, they offer a glimpse into the connection, learning, and sense of belonging that can emerge when families come together.

These posts may also help families consider whether community events feel like a good fit for their child or family.

👉 Lucky Fin Weekend Reflections 2023
👉 Lucky Fin Project Weekend – July 26–28, 2024
👉 Upper Limb Difference Day – June 15, 2024
👉 Hands to Love Hand Camp – April 12–14, 2024
👉 Highlights from Hands to Love Hand Camp
👉 Other Voices: LFP Weekend 2023 Reflections

What this section is (and isn’t)

If you are looking for meaning, perspective, and emotional nuance, you are in the right place. Reflections invite you to: 

• Slow down and notice what might otherwise be overlooked
• Consider what children experience internally, not just externally.

These writings won’t offer scripts for what to say in every moment. 

👉 If you are looking for practical strategies, visit Everyday Living.
👉 If you are looking for developmental guidance, visit Life Stages.

Wherever you begin, I hope something here helps you feel less alone, or helps you see your child more clearly.

Quick Links

Part 1: The Hidden Costs of “They’ll Figure It Out”
Part 2: Why Children With Limb Differences Often Don’t Ask for Help
Part 3: Support, Independence, and the Space Between
Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems
Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents
Preparing yourself for when your child feels SAD about their limb difference
What to say & do when your child feels sad about their limb difference
Mother’s Day Letter to my Mother
Letter from a Parent to their Child with a Limb Difference
Letter to my Parents, Teachers, and Coaches from my Younger Self
Letter to my Younger Self
Embracing Vulnerability: Journeying Toward Self-Acceptance
Graduate School Personal Statement
Everyday Living
Life Stages

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Start Here: Reflections about Growing Up and Living with an Upper Limb Difference appeared first on On The Other Hand.

Independence is not emotionally neutral
A classroom moment that stayed with me
The hidden work of “figuring it out”
Invisibility and unwanted attention
Praise can send mixed messages
What parents might notice in their own child
Why this matters
Keep reading

Parents of children with limb differences often hear a reassuring message early on: They’ll figure it out.

In many ways, that message is true. Many children with limb differences are creative, adaptable, and persistent. They often learn how to accomplish tasks in innovative ways that both surprise and impress the adults around them.

What is talked about far less is the internal work that can accompany that independence, especially when children are young and do not yet have the language or confidence to explain what they need.

I want to share a perspective that is not often named, but that many adults with limb differences recognize immediately once it is put into words.

Independence is not emotionally neutral

When we praise children for figuring things out on their own, we usually mean well. We want them to feel capable and confident and trust their bodies.

What we may not realize is that independence can carry an emotional cost when it develops in an environment where support is not clearly available or expected.

A child can complete a task successfully and still feel unseen.
A child can adapt skillfully and still feel alone.
A child can look confident and still be quietly overwhelmed.

These experiences are not always obvious from the outside.

A classroom moment that stayed with me

One of my earliest memories comes from early childhood, around preschool or kindergarten. I was in a classroom with a group of other children working on an activity with scissors. The task required using both hands together.

As my peers got started, chatting and working easily, I felt a familiar sinking feeling. I knew I could not do the activity the same way they could. I also noticed something else. No adult had come over to check in with me. No one had paused to consider how I might approach the task.

I remember looking around the room, feeling my face get warm and my heart beat faster. I felt confused, frustrated, and invisible all at once. Watching the other children did not help. Their hands worked in ways mine could not.

At some point, I reached a decision point: do I ask for help, or try to manage this on my own?

Even at that young age, I was weighing choices internally. Would the adults know how to help me? Would asking draw attention to my hand? Would it make things better, or just more uncomfortable?

So I did what I often didD I figured it out myself.

This scene repeated itself many times over the years, in classrooms, camps, and group activities. The details changed, but the internal experience stayed remarkably similar.

The hidden work of “figuring it out”

From the outside, a child who figures things out independently can look confident and capable. Adults may admire their persistence. They may even celebrate it.

From the inside, that same child may be doing a great deal of emotional work that no one sees.

They may be constantly scanning their environment to decide when it is safe to ask for help.
They may be managing frustration while trying not to stand out.
They may be learning, very early on, that support is something you access only if you really have to.

Over time, this can shape how a child relates to others. It can teach them to stay quiet about their struggles. It can teach them that needing help is something to minimize.

Invisibility and unwanted attention

One of the hardest parts of growing up with a limb difference was the swing between feeling invisible and feeling conspicuous.

In group settings where I struggled, my needs often went unnoticed. At the same time, my hand sometimes became the focus of unwanted attention in other moments. Questions, stares, and comments reminded me that I was different, even when I wanted to blend in.

This combination made it harder to speak up. Staying quiet often felt safer than risking more attention or misunderstanding.

Many children with physical differences learn this balance instinctively. It is not something they are taught directly, but rather something they absorb through repeated experiences.

Praise can send mixed messages

I was often praised for being independent and resourceful. Adults would comment on how impressive it was that I figured things out on my own.

What I did not have words for at the time was how much effort that independence required, and how much I longed for someone to notice what I was managing.

Over time, I internalized the idea that doing things alone was expected. I also absorbed a fear that needing help might mean I was failing at something I was supposed to handle.

This is not because adults did anything intentionally wrong. It is because children interpret patterns long before they can explain them.

What parents might notice in their own child

Children who carry this kind of internal load often look like they are doing well.

They may rarely complain.
They may insist on doing things themselves.
They may appear mature or self-sufficient for their age.

They may even refuse offers of help.

These traits are often praised, and many of them are strengths. At the same time, they can mask moments when a child could benefit from support, collaboration, or simply being noticed.

This is especially true for children who have learned that adults are busy, unsure, or unaware of how to help.

Why this matters

Children do not need to be rescued from every challenge, and they also do not need to face challenges alone in order to become capable.

Support and independence are not opposites. When children experience adults as attentive and available, they are more likely to take healthy risks and to speak up when something feels hard.

In the next post, I will explore why children with limb differences often do not ask for help, even when they might benefit from it, and how this begins long before they have the language to explain their experience.

For now, it is enough to begin noticing that “they’ll figure it out” is only part of the story.

Sometimes, what children need most is not another chance to adapt, but the reassurance that they do not have to do it alone.

Keep reading

In Part 2: Why Children With Limb Differences Often Do Not Ask for Help, we will explore how asking for help can be more complicated than it may appear, especially for children with limb differences.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Part 1: The Hidden Costs of “They’ll Figure It Out” appeared first on On The Other Hand.

Asking for help is not a simple skill
When children learn to manage alone
A body-based experience of being alone
Why this often goes unnoticed
Growing older does not automatically make this easier
What parents can take from this
Keep reading

In many settings, children are expected to keep up. When a child appears to be managing, adults often assume that no support is needed.

This expectation is especially strong in cultures that value independence and self-sufficiency. Children absorb these messages early, long before anyone explains them out loud. They notice which children receive help, which struggles are addressed, and which are quietly passed over.

Adults also tend to rely on what they can see. When a child completes a task, stays compliant, or does not complain, it is easy to assume that everything is fine. What is much harder to see is the effort it takes for some children to keep up, especially when their bodies work differently.

At the same time, many children grow up without clear messages that needing help is part of life. When support is not explicitly offered or modeled, children often conclude that they should manage on their own.

For children with limb differences, this makes the decision to ask for help far more complicated than it may appear from the outside.

Asking for help is not a simple skill

We often think of asking for help as a practical ability. You notice a problem, you raise your hand, you speak up.

For many children with limb differences, asking for help also carries emotional and social weight.

Before speaking up, a child may be considering questions like:

• Will this draw attention to my difference?
• Will the adult understand what I need?
• Will asking make me feel more exposed?
• Is it easier to manage this myself?
• By asking for help am I admitting a limitation?

These questions typically are shaped by previous experiences, such as what has worked before and what has not, and are rarely conscious or deliberate. 

Over time, children learn patterns. If asking for help has led to confusion, discomfort, or unwanted attention, they may decide that handling things on their own feels safer.

When children learn to manage alone

Children with limb differences often realize early on that many adults do not automatically know how to support them. Teachers, coaches, and caregivers may be well-intentioned, but unfamiliar with their needs.

When support feels uncertain, children adapt.

They watch others closely.
They experiment with their own solutions.
They learn how to get through tasks without drawing attention to themselves.

From the outside, this can look like resilience and problem solving. On the inside, it can feel like carrying responsibility that does not match a child’s developmental stage.

A body-based experience of being alone

As adults, we often think about loneliness as an emotional state. For children, especially young children, it is often experienced in the body.

I recently learned the term “alarmed aloneness” from certified Nonviolent Communication trainer and neuroscience educator Sarah Peyton. She uses this phrase to describe a state where a person feels alone in the face of challenge, without a sense of support or connection.

This experience often begins in childhood. When a child encounters difficulty and does not feel accompanied, their nervous system responds accordingly. Over time, this can shape how they approach challenges, relationships, and help-seeking.

Children do not need to understand this concept for it to affect them. Their bodies learn the pattern first.

Why this often goes unnoticed

Many children who experience this kind of isolation appear to be doing well.

They complete their work.
They follow expectations.
They adapt creatively.

Adults may assume that no help is needed because no help is requested. The absence of complaints can be interpreted as comfort or confidence.

What is often missed is that some children stop asking not because they do not need or want support, but because they have learned that asking does not reliably lead to relief.

Growing older does not automatically make this easier

As children grow, social awareness increases. The desire to fit in typically becomes stronger. Differences that felt manageable in early childhood can feel more complicated in adolescence and young adulthood.

By this point, many individuals with limb differences have years of experience handling things on their own. Asking for help may feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable, even when it would be appropriate and helpful.

This pattern can extend well into adulthood, shaping how people relate to partners, coworkers, and healthcare providers.

What parents can take from this

If there is one key takeaway, it is this: children do not always ask for help when they need/want it.

This does not mean they want to be left alone. It means they are responding logically to their experiences.

Parents can support their children by staying attentive, by offering help without pressure, and by checking in even when things appear to be going smoothly. Simply knowing that support is available can reduce the internal burden children carry.

In the next post, I will explore how adults can support children with limb differences in ways that build both confidence and connection, and how to find a balance between offering help and fostering independence.

Awareness is often the first and most important step. Every child intuitively knows when their parents are quietly available.

Keep reading

In Part 3: Support, Independence, and the Space Between, we will explore what parents can actually do: how to talk with their child, when to step in, and how to support social and emotional well-being over time.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Part 2: Why Children With Limb Differences Often Do Not Ask for Help appeared first on On The Other Hand.

There is no single “right” amount of help
Shifting the question
Anticipation matters
Offering help without pressure
The long view
What balance can look like
Learn more

By the time parents begin thinking intentionally about support and independence for their child, many have already received mixed messages.

On the one hand, children with limb differences are often encouraged to be resilient, adaptable, and capable. On the other hand, adults often worry about offering too much help and getting in the way of independence.

These concerns are understandable. They come from a place of wanting children to grow into confident, capable adults.

The challenge is that support and independence are often treated as opposites, when in reality they grow best together.

There is no single “right” amount of help

When adults with limb differences reflect on their childhoods, their experiences often vary widely.

Some remember feeling under-supported. They recall struggling alone, adapting constantly, and learning early not to rely on others.

Others remember being over-helped. They recall feeling singled out, fussed over, or treated as less capable than they felt inside.

Both experiences can be difficult, and both can leave lingering effects.

This tells us something important. The goal is not to find a perfect amount of help and apply it evenly. The goal is to stay responsive to the child in front of you.

Shifting the question

Instead of asking, “Am I helping too much or too little?” it can be more useful to ask different questions:

• Does my child know that support is available?
• Do I offer help in ways that respect their autonomy?
• Am I paying attention even when they seem to be managing?
• Do we revisit support as demands change?

These questions shift the focus from polarities to connection.

Anticipation matters

One of the most meaningful forms of support for children with limb differences is anticipation.

This means adults noticing situations that may be more demanding and stepping in early, rather than waiting for a child to struggle or ask. It might look like adjusting an activity, checking in privately, or offering options before frustration sets in.

I once read a story about a classroom teacher who gave every child a pair of mittens early in December. One of the children in the class had an upper limb difference. Rather than giving that child the same pair of mittens as everyone else and expecting them to make it work, the teacher took the time to find or create a pair that actually fit the child’s hand.

That extra effort mattered.

The child did not have to problem-solve in front of peers, or feel different in a painful way, or go home upset because everyone else’s mittens worked and theirs did not.

Instead, the child simply had mittens that fit.

This is what anticipation can look like. The teacher did not wait for the child to struggle or ask for help. She did not treat fairness as sameness. She recognized that equal participation sometimes requires different preparation.

Anticipation communicates something powerful. It tells a child, “I see you. I am thinking ahead about what this might be like for you.”

That message can reduce the emotional load children carry, even when they still choose to try things on their own.

Offering help without pressure

How help is offered matters just as much as whether it is offered.

Support that is flexible, respectful, and easy to decline allows children to stay in charge of their bodies and choices. When help is offered as an option rather than an expectation, children are more likely to accept it when they need/want it.

It is also to be expected that children will refuse help at times. A refusal does not mean the offer was wrong. It simply reflects a child’s need for autonomy in that particular moment.

Adults can continue to offer support across time, knowing that needs change as children grow and as situations become more complex.

The long view

Children who grow up with consistent emotional and practical support often develop strong problem-solving skills and self-advocacy. They learn not only how to adapt, but also how to recognize when collaboration makes sense.

This matters over the long term. As children become teenagers and adults, the physical demands on their bodies increase: academic workloads change, and sports, work, and daily responsibilities intensify.

Patterns that were manageable in childhood can become harder to sustain without support. When children have learned that they do not have to carry everything alone, they are better equipped to protect their bodies and their well-being over time.

What balance can look like

Balance is not static. It shifts as children and their skills develop, as environments change, and as expectations increase.

For many families, balance looks like:

• staying curious rather than assuming
• checking in even when things seem fine
• offering help in a value neutral way
• valuing connection alongside competence

Children do not become independent because they were left alone. They become independent because they grew up with adults who were attentive, responsive, and willing to share the load.

Support and independence are not competing goals. When held together thoughtfully, they create the conditions for children with limb differences to grow into adults who feel capable, connected, and seen.

Learn more

Check out other posts in the reflections section.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Part 3: Support, Independence, and the Space Between appeared first on On The Other Hand.

This post is the first of a three-part reflection on bullying; be sure to read
👉 Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents and
👉 Bullying Part 3: Is It Bullying, Curiosity, or Something Else?

Introduction
Bullying can take many forms
What does and does not count as bullying
When bullying isn’t obvious: relational aggression
Cyberbullying and digital spaces
Why children with visible differences are often targeted
Bullying is not just an individual coping issue
Why self-advocacy alone is not enough
Why adults often miss what is happening
Friendship fit matters
A note to parents
Free resource
Learn more

Introduction 

Bullying does not always look the way we expect it to.

For children with visible differences, including upper limb differences, social harm often exists on a spectrum, from overt teasing or name-calling to subtle exclusion, joking, or story-making that is framed as “funny” or “no big deal.”

Bullying can take many forms

When parents think of bullying, they often imagine name-calling or physical conflict. But bullying can also be subtle and understated.

Bullying and social harm can:

• Be obvious or very subtle
• Come from strangers or close friends
• Happen multiple times in close succession or unfold slowly over time

For many children, the most painful experiences are not with strangers, but with friends who begin to treat them differently. This may happen when:

• A peer wants to fit into a new social group
• A child tests social power by aligning with peers who bully others
• Differences between children become more noticeable with age

Teasing or exclusion that comes from someone a child trusted can feel confusing and deeply hurtful, especially when dismissed as “joking.” Some of the most painful experiences children face happen through subtle social exclusion or friendship manipulation, patterns especially common among girls.

What does and does not count as bullying

Bullying is typically defined as a repeated pattern of behavior that is intended to harm, exclude, intimidate, or humiliate, and that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.

This may include:

• Repeated teasing or mocking
• Ongoing exclusion
• Name-calling or threats
• Targeting a visible difference

Not all unkind behavior meets this definition. A single hurtful comment, a misunderstanding, or a conflict between friends, while still painful, is not necessarily bullying.

That said, one-time incidents still deserve attention, especially when they involve a child’s body, disability, or identity. What matters most is watching for patterns over time and how the experience is affecting the child.

When bullying isn’t obvious: relational aggression

It can be hard for adults to recognize some forms of bullying.

Among girls in particular, bullying often takes the form of relational aggression. Instead of direct insults or physical conflict, it may involve social manipulation designed to damage a child’s relationships or sense of belonging.

This can look like:

• Excluding someone from a friend group
• Whispering or talking about someone behind their back
• Spreading rumors
• Rolling eyes or exchanging looks meant to humiliate
• Telling others not to play with a particular child
• Being friendly one moment and suddenly cold the next

Because these behaviors are subtle, adults may miss them entirely. A teacher might see a group of girls quietly working together and assume everything is fine, while one child feels deeply isolated within that group.

For children with visible differences, such as a hand or arm difference, these dynamics can become particularly painful. The bullying may not focus directly on the difference. Instead, the child may be pushed to the edges of social groups, left out of games, or treated as “different” in ways that are difficult to name.

Parents sometimes hear things like:

• “They said I couldn’t sit with them today.”
• “They’re having a party but I’m not invited.”
• “They were whispering about me.”

These experiences can be just as damaging as more obvious bullying, even though they are harder to document or intervene in.

Understanding relational aggression can help parents recognize that bullying is not always loud or visible. Sometimes it happens quietly, in the subtle social dynamics of childhood friendships.

Parents who want to understand these dynamics in more depth may find the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman helpful. It explores how social hierarchies and exclusion can develop among girls during the school years.

Cyberbullying and digital spaces

For many children and teens, bullying does not stop at the school door. Cyberbullying can include:

• Hurtful messages or comments
• Group chats used to exclude or mock
• Sharing images, videos, or private information
• Ongoing harassment through social media or gaming platforms

Because cyberbullying often happens privately, children may hesitate to tell adults, especially if they fear losing access to devices or social connection. Parents can support by:

• Keeping communication open about online spaces without immediate punishment
• Treating online harm with the same seriousness as in-person harm
• Documenting patterns (screenshots, dates) if intervention becomes necessary
• Involving school staff when online behavior intersects with school relationships

As with in-person bullying, greater focus should be on patterns and impact than on isolated moments. 👉 Visit Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents for cyberbullying resources.

Why children with visible differences are often targeted

Noticing differences is a typical part of children’s development. Problems arise when curiosity is not guided by adults and turns into repeated comments, teasing, or exclusion.

Importantly, the issue is how differences are handled within the social environment, not the child’s body.

When children are not supported in learning how to engage respectfully with difference, harm can occur even without malicious intent.

Bullying is not just an individual coping issue

Bullying is often framed as something a child should learn to handle on their own. This framing misses a critical truth:

Bullying is not just an individual coping issue. It is a systems issue that requires different responses depending on the child’s age, capacity, and environment.

Expecting a child to self-advocate in an environment that does not support them places too much responsibility on the child and too little on the system around them.

Why self-advocacy alone is not enough

Self-advocacy is a skill that develops over time. Younger children, in particular:

• May speak up and still be ignored
• May be mocked for asserting boundaries
• May lack the social power to change peer behavior

This does not mean self-advocacy is unimportant. It means adult support remains essential, especially in childhood.

Why adults often miss what is happening

Bullying and exclusion often:

• Happen when adults are not present
• Are hidden behind humor or charm
• Appear inconsistent or hard to “prove”

Children who engage in bullying may behave very differently around adults, which can make children who are targeted feel doubted or unsupported.

Friendship fit matters

Learning to notice how someone treats you and how you feel in their presence are lifelong skills.

Not every peer or peer group will be a good fit, and recognizing that a relationship is no longer supportive does not represent social failure. It reflects growing social-emotional awareness and self-respect.

Children benefit when adults reinforce that:

• Being included should not require tolerating repeated unkindness
• Friendship quality matters more than social status or convenience
• Moving toward healthier relationships is a strength, not a loss

This framing helps children understand that social change is part of development, not a reflection of their worth.

A note to parents

Many parents reading this may recognize situations that have already happened or patterns they wish they had understood earlier. These dynamics are rarely explained to families in advance, and most parents are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time. Wherever you are in your journey, it is never too late to reflect, adjust, and support your child in ways that foster safety, confidence, and belonging.

Free resource

👉 Download the free handout, Supporting Your Child Through Bullying & Social Exclusion

Name *

First

Last

Email Name

Email *

By providing your email address, you agree to receive occasional email correspondence from On The Other Hand. Don’t worry: we will never share your email with any other entity and we will never spam you!

Download the free handout!

Learn more

👉 In Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents we explore what parents can actually do: how to talk with their child, when to step in, and how to support social and emotional well-being over time.
👉 In Bullying Part 3: Is It Bullying, Curiosity, or Something Else? we cover how it can be hard to know what’s happening when a child stares, asks questions, says something hurtful, or touches your child’s limb difference. We’ll try to tease out the difference between curiosity, social behavior, and true bullying, so you can support your child with clarity and confidence.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems appeared first on On The Other Hand.

This post is the second of a two-part reflection on bullying. If you are new to this series:
👉 Start with Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems and download the free handout.
👉Then check out Bullying Part 3: Is It Bullying, Curiosity, or Something Else?

Below: knowing how to respond without escalating harm or silencing your child.

How to talk with your child about bullying and exclusion
Helping children develop healthy standards for friendship
The importance of multiple social circles
When adults should step in
Communicating with teachers, staff, and schools
Communicating with other parents (when appropriate)
Supporting a child who refuses adult intervention
Making space for grief without rushing solutions
When social difficulties affect mental health
Bullying prevention and support resources
Crisis & mental health support resources
A lifespan perspective
A note to parents
About professional support
Keep reading

How to talk with your child about bullying and exclusion

Children benefit when adults name social harm clearly and proportionately.

Helpful conversations:

• Acknowledge the behavior directly (“That sounds like teasing that hurt.”)
• Validate feelings without minimizing (“I’m glad you told me.”)
• Avoid dismissive reframing (“They probably didn’t mean it.”)

At the same time, it is important not to make a situation feel bigger or scarier than it is. A single hurtful comment from a longtime friend is different from repeated teasing, exclusion, or harassment from a peer. Helping children notice patterns over time supports both emotional safety and perspective taking.

Research involving individuals with upper limb differences has shown that children and adults often report anger when caregivers consistently minimize hurtful social experiences. However, children also benefit when adults help them:

• Consider intent when appropriate
• Practice kindness and inclusion themselves
• Hold space for mistakes and repair

The goal is not to label every social misstep as bullying, but to help children learn how to recognize when something crosses from uncomfortable into harmful.

Helping children develop healthy standards for friendship

Children deserve friendships that feel safe and respectful.

Parents can gently reinforce that:

• Friends should not repeatedly make you feel embarrassed or small
• Inclusion does not excuse unkind behavior
• Wanting better treatment is reasonable

Learning to step away from harmful friendships is discernment, not avoidance.

The importance of multiple social circles

Children with limb differences often benefit from having more than one place to belong.

When school is a child’s only social environment, peer difficulties can feel overwhelming and defining. Having additional social circles provides emotional buffering and helps children develop a more stable sense of identity.

Examples include:

• Sports teams or physical activities outside of school
• Music, theater, or creative groups
• Religious or community groups or summer camp
• Limb difference meetups, camps, or family weekends
• Extended family or family friends

These relationships remind children that they are valued in many contexts, not just one classroom or peer group.

This can be especially important during periods of social change, such as:

• Shifting friend groups
• School transitions
• Temporary or prolonged peer conflict

Maintaining connections outside of school helps children stay grounded and reduces the pressure to tolerate unhealthy relationships simply to avoid being alone.

When adults should step in

Adult involvement looks different depending on age and context. In general:

• Younger children often need adults to intervene or set boundaries
• Older children may benefit more from planning, coaching, and behind-the-scenes support

Stepping in is not overreacting when a child is still developing social skills and self-advocacy.

Adult involvement becomes especially important when social difficulties begin to affect a child’s emotional well-being or daily functioning. This may include persistent sadness, withdrawal, changes in behavior, or increasing resistance to attending school. These signs suggest that support beyond peer problem-solving may be needed.

Supporting a child who refuses adult intervention

Some children resist adult involvement because they fear it will make things worse. Sometimes, they are right.

Adults do not always see the full social landscape. Well-intentioned intervention can unintentionally escalate a situation, increase peer scrutiny, or lead to superficial “solutions” that prioritize convenience over the child’s long-term well-being.

Parents who trust that schools and other adults will automatically respond thoughtfully and fairly may be surprised to find that these adults may have competing priorities. When parent trust is shaken, it can feel destabilizing.

Parents can:

• Respect their child’s fears rather than dismiss them
• Gather detailed information before intervening
• Clarify the desired outcome (safety? accountability? separation?)
• Approach schools with specific requests rather than general complaints
• Collaborate with their child on timing and strategy whenever possible

Children do not always see the long-term picture, but they are often acutely aware of the immediate social dynamics. Parents sometimes have to hold a broader perspective while also honoring their child’s lived experience.

The goal of adult intervention in a bullying situation is preserving the child’s dignity, safety, and trust, not simply stopping behavior.

Making space for grief without rushing solutions

Losing friendships can hurt and changing peer groups can be painful. Not every situation has a quick fix. Sometimes what children need most is:

• Validation
• Time
• A steady adult presence

Support does not always mean immediate resolution.

When social difficulties affect mental health

Sometimes bullying or ongoing exclusion can contribute to broader emotional challenges. Signs that additional support may be needed include:

• Ongoing sadness or irritability
• Withdrawal from friends or activities
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• School avoidance or frequent complaints of feeling unwell
• Expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness

In these situations, involving a mental health provider, pediatrician, or school-based counselor can be an important step. Seeking support can protect a child’s well-being and help them feel less alone.

Bullying prevention and support resources

These resources offer education and practical tools for families navigating bullying and exclusion. They are not specific to limb difference but may be useful complements to the information shared here.

👉 StopBullying.gov
Evidence-based information on bullying prevention, cyberbullying, and how schools can respond.

👉 PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center
Strong parent-facing resources, including disability-specific considerations.

👉 Common Sense Media
Guidance on digital citizenship, cyberbullying, parent controls, and online safety for children and teens.

👉 Understood.org
Helpful for families navigating social challenges, especially when disability or learning differences are involved.

Crisis & mental health support resources

If concerns about bullying, exclusion, or social distress begin to affect your child’s mood, behavior, or safety, additional support may be needed. Reaching out for help is a protective step and support is available. The resources below are appropriate if a child expresses thoughts of self-harm, shows signs of depression or withdrawal, engages in school avoidance, or if caregivers feel concerned about their child’s immediate emotional safety.

A global directory of suicide prevention and crisis support services:

United States

👉 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

• Call or text 988
• Chat via the 988 Lifeline website
• Available 24/7 for children, teens, and adults
• Provides support for emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, and mental health crises

👉 Crisis Text Line

• Text HOME to 741741
• Available 24/7 in the U.S.
• Especially accessible for teens who may prefer texting over talking

International Resources

👉 Samaritans (UK & Ireland)

• Phone: 116 123
• Email support also available
• 24/7 support for emotional distress and crisis

👉 Lifeline Australia

• Phone: 13 11 14
• 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention

International Suicide Hotlines

👉 The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) maintains a directory of crisis centers worldwide

• Families outside the U.S. can find country-specific helplines through the IASP resource directory

👉 Lifeline International is a network of ommunity-based suicide prevention organizations across the world

Lifespan perspective

Supporting children through bullying and exclusion is about more than stopping harm in the moment. It is about helping them build self-respect, discernment, and confidence in choosing healthy relationships. These skills matter far beyond childhood into adult relationships.

A note to parents

If you are reading this after your child has already experienced hurt or exclusion, you are not alone. These dynamics are complex, often subtle, and rarely explained to families ahead of time. What matters most is not what was or was not known earlier, but the support and care you offer now. Even small shifts in language, awareness, and advocacy can make a meaningful difference for your child over time.

Future posts will explore related topics, including ableism, identity, and how intersecting experiences can influence social belonging and exclusion.

About professional support

This information is intended for general education. It is not a substitute for individualized support from a licensed healthcare, mental health, or educational professional. If you have concerns about your child’s emotional well-being, functioning at school, or safety, seeking individualized support is an important next step.

Keep reading

👉 Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems
👉 Bullying Part 3: Is It Bullying, Curiosity, or Something Else?

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents appeared first on On The Other Hand.

This post is the third of a three-part reflection on bullying; be sure to read: 
👉 Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems (and grab the free handout!) and
👉 Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents 

Difficult moments
A situation many families experience
Three common ways children react to differences
Why the gray areas matter
The touching issue: a common experience
What parents can do when something happens
Helping children build confidence
A final thought
About professional support
Learn more about bullying

Difficult moments

Children with visible differences sometimes face difficult moments at school or on the playground.

A child may stare.
Or ask a blunt question.
Sometimes a child may even reach out and touch a hand or arm that looks different.

And occasionally, a child may say something deeply hurtful.

When this happens, parents often find themselves asking an important question:

Is this bullying? 

Sometimes the answer is yes. But often the situation is more complicated.

Understanding the difference can help parents respond thoughtfully, advocate effectively, and support their child’s confidence.

A situation many families experience

Recently, I came across a discussion among parents of children with limb differences about an incident that occurred in an early elementary setting. 

Details have been generalized to protect privacy, but the situation reflects a common experience many families face. 

A child grabbed another child’s hand and tried to pull their fingers apart, making a comment about how their hand “should look normal.”

The parent who shared the story was understandably upset and asked for advice about how to respond with the school.

The responses ranged widely:

• Some people said the parent should report it as assault. 
• Others said this kind of thing is simply part of life for children with visible differences. 
• Many parents recommended talking to the teacher and school administrators.
• Several former educators explained that teachers cannot always watch out for these behaviors.

All of these reactions reflect very real emotions, but the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle.

Situations like this often fall into what are gray areas of childhood social behavior.

Three common ways children react to differences

Most peer interactions around visible differences fall into one of three categories. Understanding these can help parents interpret what happened and decide how to respond.

1. Curiosity without awareness

Young children are naturally curious about bodies and differences. They may:

• stare
• ask blunt questions
• try to touch a hand or arm that looks different

Children affected by these behaviors and parents who later find out about an incident can experience a range of reactions: shock, discomfort, anger, frustration, confusion. 

In many cases, the child simply does not yet understand social boundaries. This doesn’t mean the behavior should be ignored. Children still need to learn that people’s bodies deserve respect and personal space. 

However, it is important to consider the age and developmental level of the child who engaged in the offending behavior; curiosity and cruelty are not the same thing. Most often the best response for young children is gentle guidance and explanations from adults.

2. Social experimentation

As children grow, they begin to explore social dynamics and power within peer groups.

Sometimes children can ask questions or make comments that can sound harsh, such as:

• “Why is your hand weird?”
• “You should be normal like everyone else.”
• “Your hand is scary”

Comments like this can evoke deep pain for a child who hears them. But developmentally, these statements often reflect a child who is testing reactions, repeating language they’ve heard, or trying to fit in socially, rather than intentionally trying to harm another child.

This doesn’t make the behavior acceptable, but it does mean the response likely should focus more on teaching and coaching than punishment.

3. Bullying

Bullying typically involves behavior that is:

• repeated
• intentional
• meant to humiliate, isolate, or hurt someone

Examples might include:

• repeatedly teasing a child about their difference
• encouraging others not to play with them
• mocking their appearance
• targeting them over time

When patterns like this emerge, stronger intervention from adults and schools is necessary.
👉 To learn more about bullying, read Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems.

Why the gray areas matter

Not every difficult interaction between children is bullying, but that doesn’t mean parents should ignore situations where a child is singled out, treated unfairly, or “othered.”

Many experiences fall somewhere in the middle: moments where a child crossed a boundary or said something hurtful but may not yet understand the impact of their actions.

In these cases, the goal is often education, boundaries, and awareness, not simply punishment.

The touching issue: a common experience

Children with limb differences often experience something many adults never think about. Other children may try to:

• examine the difference up close
• grab their hand/arm
• pull on a prosthetic
• spread their fingers

This can feel invasive and upsetting. One of the most helpful skills children can learn is simple boundary language, such as:

• “Don’t touch my arm.”
• “I don’t like that.”
• “Stop!”

Learning to set boundaries is empowering and gives children a way to protect their own personal space.

What parents can do when something happens

If your child comes home with a story like this, it’s normal to feel protective or upset.

A helpful approach often includes a few steps.

1. Listen carefully.

Let your child describe what happened in their own words. Even if you are tempted to ask questions , it’s important to avoid interrupting.

2. Validate feelings.

If your child felt embarrassed, confused, or hurt, those feelings matter and it can be helpful to name the feelings. This step may take some time; try not to rush it by moving to step 4.

3. Gather information.

Was this a one-time incident, or has something similar happened before?

4. Decide whether to communicate with the school.

Most educators want to create respectful environments for all students. When in doubt, especially if the child is young, inform the teacher. 

Teachers and staff can’t see every interaction. This is especially true during busy times such as lunch, recess, and transitions. Teachers can help guide children’s behavior once they know what occurred.

If you choose to communicate with your child’s teacher or a school administrator, it’s important to present facts calmly and with respect. Most teachers are on your side, so let them do their job!

5. Moving forward, identify a “safe person” at school.

It can also be helpful for your child to identify a “safe person” at school — someone they know they can go to if something uncomfortable happens. This might be a teacher, aide, older sibling, or another trusted adult. Knowing exactly who to go to can help children feel more secure and supported in a difficult moment.

Helping children build confidence

Parents often wish they could protect their child from every uncomfortable interaction.

Unfortunately, that’s not realistic. What parents can do is help children build the confidence and skills to navigate these moments when they arise.

That might include:

• practicing responses to questions
• learning how to set boundaries
• connecting with other children who have limb differences
• reinforcing that different bodies are a natural part of the human experience

These tools help children feel prepared rather than powerless.

A final thought

Children are still learning how to understand differences, respect boundaries, and navigate social relationships.

Sometimes they get it wrong. When difficult moments happen, parents and educators have an opportunity to help all children grow in empathy, understanding, and respect.

And with guidance, those lessons can make schools safer and more inclusive places for everyone.

When children know who they can go to and what they can say, they are more likely to feel prepared rather than powerless when difficult moments arise.

About professional support

This information is intended for general education. It is not a substitute for individualized support from a licensed healthcare, mental health, or educational professional. If you have concerns about your child’s emotional well-being, functioning at school, or safety, seeking individualized support is an important next step.

Learn more about bullying 

If this topic resonates with you or if your child is experiencing peer challenges, you may also find these helpful:

👉 Bullying Part 1: Understanding Exclusion and Social Systems — grab the free handout!
👉 Bullying Part 2: Practical Guidance for Parents

These reflections on bullying look beyond surface-level advice and explore emotional and relational layers for children with limb differences. 

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Bullying Part 3: Is It Bullying, Curiosity, or Something Else? appeared first on On The Other Hand.

Complete the form below to download a free printable copy of the Mother’s Day Letter to my Mother

Name Email

Name *

First

Last

Email *

By providing your email address, you agree to receive occasional email correspondence from On The Other Hand. Don’t worry: we will never share your email with any other entity and we will never spam you!

Download the free handout!

I wrote this letter to express empathy for all my mother went through raising a child with a hand difference — and to thank her for all the support and love she gave me over the years.

Growing up with a limb difference, there were so many things left unsaid between my mother and me — not out of neglect, but because we didn’t have the words. In this letter, I reflect on what I imagine she felt, what I’ve come to understand, and what I’ve always wanted her to know. Whether you’re a parent or an adult with a limb difference, I hope it resonates with your own journey.

I want to celebrate all the mothers raising children with disabilities and limb differences in particular. I know sometimes your labor goes unseen. Thank you for everything that you do on behalf of your children that goes above and beyond loving, caring for, helping, listening, and sharing yourself, your time, and your energy:

• advocating for your child’s needs in school and extracurriculars
• connecting with other families to ask questions and set up get togethers
• including siblings whenever appropriate/helpful to enable them to develop strong bonds of empathy and connection
• problem solving with your child how they can cook, sew, play an instrument or sport, or a million other things
• researching the right camps and programs
• taking your children to medical providers

💭 Adults with limb differences, have you written to your mother — even if you didn’t share it? I found the process offered clarity, healing, and space to explore what I wish she knew.

Here’s the letter ….

Dear Mom, 

When I was born, I imagine you felt a wave of emotions: 
– awe – confusion – fear – joy – relief – shock  … and probably many more! 

So many things were difficult for you

• You didn’t expect to have a child with a hand difference
• You blamed yourself — no one told you otherwise
• No one offered support or guidance on how to raise a child with a limb difference
• My pediatrician never asked how you were doing or mentioned my hand (!)

You worried so much

• You feared people would be unkin.
• You worried I wouldn’t be able to do things like everyone else
• You questioned whether I’d have enough strength to deal with everything
• You felt distressed that I would suffer from something I didn’t choose
• You wondered if I would find love

Everything you felt made sense

• In the world we lived in, my hand was seen as “defective” and disability was viewed negatively
• Of course you couldn’t predict how my life would turn out
• You didn’t yet know how strong I am and would become — how could you?

While I sometimes questioned, I never blamed you for my hand difference – it wasn’t your fault

I have experienced challenges, yes

But I also have been blessed with an incredibly joyful and fulfilling life

What mattered most to me was knowing you loved me exactly as I am — and you’re proud of who I’ve become

And one more thing … what I learned from my experiences has helped shape who I am. Every day, I use:
– advocacy – creativity – empathy – perseverance – problem solving – strength
in my life as an occupational therapist, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend

What none of us could have imagined that changed my life is discovering the beautiful community of people with limb differences where I feel accepted, connected, understood, and warmly welcomed

So on this Mother’s Day — and every day — thank you for all you did to help make me who I am

Thank you for your constant support and encouragement to try everything I dreamed of

And thank you for the millions of things you did for me that I will never even know about

I love and appreciate you with all my heart

Your loving daughter,
Laura

Complete the form below to download a free printable copy of the Mother’s Day Letter to my Mother

Name Email

Name *

First

Last

Email *

By providing your email address, you agree to receive occasional email correspondence from On The Other Hand. Don’t worry: we will never share your email with any other entity and we will never spam you!

Download the free handout!

Read the other posts in this series:

• Letter from a Parent to their Child with a Limb Difference
• Letter to my Parents, Teachers, and Coaches from my Younger Self
• Letter to my Younger Self

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. © 2026. All rights reserved.

The post Mother’s Day Letter to my Mom appeared first on On The Other Hand.

Complete the form below to download a free printable copy of the Letter from a Parent to their Child with a Limb Difference

Name *

First

Last

Name Email

Email *

By providing your email address, you agree to receive occasional email correspondence from On The Other Hand. Don’t worry: we will never share your email with any other entity and we will never spam you!

Download the letter!

• If you are a parent/guardian of a child dealing with any kind of difference, it absolutely is ok to need and seek help – and totally encouraged! Where did you seek (and find) support? What was most helpful? If you had difficulty finding support, what do you wish you had been able to find?

• If you are the person with a difference (limb or otherwise): did you hear this as a child? What might it have been like for you if you had?

Please feel free to share your comments how this letter resonates for you here.

Read the other posts in this series:

• Mother’s Day Letter to my Mother
• Letter to my Parents, Teachers, and Coaches from my Younger Self
• Letter to my Younger Self

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Letter from a Parent to their Child with a Limb Difference appeared first on On The Other Hand.

If people only see my difficulties and my struggles, they miss out on my energy, passion, resilience, and strength.

If people only see my energy, passion, resilience, and strength, they miss out on what is really challenging for me and where I might need help. 

I want to be seen in my wholeness, which includes both my struggles and my strengths. 

If you miss either of those, you miss seeing my authentic self.

Kristin Masters, Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer

Our creative & resilient children
Prioritizing strengths over struggles
Finding balance
Fostering intrinsic motivation over external validation 
Example 1: the “prove them wrong” trap
Example 2: the silent struggler
Actionable tips for parents & allies
Quick summary
Want to learn more?

Our creative & resilient children

Many children with limb differences are extraordinary, not because of what they have “overcome,” but because of who they are: creative, resilient, resourceful, and whole. As parents, allies, or professionals supporting these amazing children, we naturally want the world to see them for their incredible strengths and capabilities.

Many parents share stories about their children’s accomplishments to celebrate their children’s unique talents and to challenge ableist assumptions about what people with physical differences and disabilities are capable of. These stories can help both the limb different and limb typical communities, by showing the world that children with limb differences can thrive in every area of life.

But there’s more to the story. It’s important to consider how this focus on strengths might impact our children. How can we balance celebrating their triumphs with supporting them during struggles? How do we help them grow into their full, authentic selves — embracing both their strengths and their challenges?

This post explores how we can honor and celebrate children with limb differences while ensuring they feel seen, heard, and supported in every aspect of their lives. Whether you’re a parent, a friend, or a professional, this conversation is for you.

Prioritizing strengths over struggles

The many strengths of children with limb differences deserve recognition. But focusing solely on celebrating achievements may unintentionally send the message to children that they should downplay or hide challenges or difficult emotions. Fearing that their parents or supporters value only their successes, children may hold back from sharing their struggles. So it’s vitally important that they know it’s okay to talk about their struggles, too, and to know that they’re not alone in these struggles.

Finding balance

This doesn’t mean we stop celebrating their accomplishments. In fact, showing excitement and pride when a child masters a new skill or tackles a tough task can be incredibly motivating and validating for them. But children also need space to express what’s hard for them. When they feel safe sharing their challenges, they learn that it’s okay to ask for help and that their worth isn’t tied to their achievements.

As parents, allies, and professionals, we can find a balance with children with limb differences:

• Celebrate their triumphs while also normalizing discussions about struggles
• Show them that all of their feelings — whether about successes or frustrations — are valid and welcome
• Teach them that they don’t need to prove their worth to anyone; their value lies in who they are, not what they can do

Fostering intrinsic motivation over external validation 

As parents, coaches, and allies, we have choice in how we frame our children’s challenges and successes. Instead of encouraging our children to “show them all what you can do,” we can choose to focus on our children’s adaptability, creativity, and problem solving skills. This subtle shift can help foster intrinsic motivation, allowing children to feel pride in their growth for themselves, rather than seek validation from others.

Example 1: the “prove them wrong” trap

A child with a limb difference climbs the monkey bars for the first time. A proud parent snaps a photo and captions it, “Bet you didn’t think they could do that!” While well-meaning, this framing places the focus on proving others wrong, potentially teaching the child that their value lies in defying others’ expectations. Over time, they might start choosing activities not because they enjoy them, but to gain external approval or validation. Read about the “Overachiever Trap.”

Ultimately, the goal is to help children see themselves as whole — strong and capable, but also human, with struggles and vulnerabilities. It’s this balance that will empower them to grow into their authentic selves.

Example 2: the silent struggler

Now consider a different scenario: Imagine a child who has just figured out how to tie their shoelaces using one hand. The family celebrates this big milestone with cheers, high-fives, and maybe even a social media post. While this recognition may feel great in the moment, the child might hesitate to share their feelings about how hard and frustrating the process was for them. Perhaps they felt discouraged after multiple failed attempts or worried they would never succeed. If no one asks about how they felt about the challenges they faced, the child might internalize the belief that their struggles don’t matter. Or even worse, they may conclude that sharing them shows weakness.

Actionable tips for parents & allies

Here are some practical ways to support our children:

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: After celebrating an accomplishment, ask, “What was the hardest part about learning this?” or “How did you keep going when it got tough?” This invites them to share their challenges and reflect on their resilience.
• Validate Their Feelings: If a child says something like, “I hated how long it took to figure this out,” respond with, “That sounds really frustrating. I’m so proud of you for sticking with it.”
• Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Outcome: For example, instead of saying, “You’re amazing for climbing the monkey bars!” try, “I could see how hard you were working to get to the top. How did it feel to make it across?”

Quick summary

• Welcome all their feelings — whether about successes or frustrations
  • If your child says, “It took too long to figure this out!” respond with, “That sounds really frustrating. I’m so proud of you for sticking with it.”

• Teach them that they don’t need to prove their worth to anyone
  • Their value lies in who they are, not what they can do
  • Avoid the “show them all what you can do” or “bet they didn’t think you could do that!” mindset

• Ask open-ended questions
  • After celebrating an accomplishment, ask, “What was the hardest part about learning this?” or “How did you keep going when it got tough?” 
  • These questions invite them to share their challenges and reflect on their resilience

• Celebrate their creavity & problem solving, not just the outcome
  • For example, instead of saying, “You’re amazing for climbing the monkey bars!” try, “I could see how hard you were working to get to the top. How did it feel to make it across?”

Want to learn more?

Read about the “Overachiever Trap.”
Read about Overuse Syndrome.

© 2026. Laura Faye Clubok, MS, OTR/L, On The Other Hand Therapy. All rights reserved.

The post Seeing the Whole Child with a Limb Difference: appeared first on On The Other Hand.